Oh man has it been a while. The past couple of months have been absolute insanity! There's nothing like the holiday seasons to bring about a sense of calm...or for some, fear may come to mind. I hear there is this hoopla surrounding Christmas and the dreaded "CHRISTMAS SHOPPING." This is why I am Jewish (the only reason why I am Jewish) and I only buy gifts for my friends. Another common theme of the Holidayz (yes, I used a 'Z' to be hip and with the timez) is family. Now, I've already given you all a glimpse into my family with my Europop post, but there is so much more. There is nothing more like a slap in the face about how weird you are, than when your entire family is sitting in one room. In this case, it's me, my mom, and my dad, and my two cats. We're all sitting in the living room, my mom is curled up on the couch and I have planted myself as uncomfortably close to her as possible. My dad, is in the stereotypical recliner watching a football game yelling about how the heat is up too high and how my mom and I never turn the lights off after ourselves. My cats are curled up at the foot of the couch, together, occasionally looking up to figure out why they are so close to each other and to throw up. I look around, my mom is singing some sort of song she heard on Kiis FM with the wrong lyrics and completely out of tune, my dad has managed to create a burp that has rattled the ceiling, and I'm pretty sure one of the cats has farted...wait until a catchy Christmas commercial comes on and my dad begins to whistle. This would be embarrassing if there was someone else in the room, but with my family its a typical Sunday afternoon.
One author who has the weird family down to a science is David Sedaris. Here's a quote:
"For as long as I can remember, my father saved. He saves money, he saves disfigured sticks that resemble disfigured celebrities, and most of all he saves food. Cherry tomatoes, sausage biscuits, the olives plucked from other people's martinis--he hides these things in strange places until they're rotten. And then he eats them."
--David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day)
Talk about a weird family. I love David Sedaris for the mere fact that he is so honest. He talks about every aspect of his life. Your thoughts may be "What do I have in common with a middle-aged former drug addict?" A lot. You would be suprised. He writes about the human condition. His insecurities are the same as my insecurities and your insecurities. His awkward moments are our awkward moments. His crazy family is an outline of everyone's crazy family. I find it better to listen to his audiobooks because his "matter of fact" tone of voice and mild reactions to outrageous events, make the stories even more hilarious. I want to meet David Sedaris and tell hime that it is ok that he sounds like an "evil man-baby" when he speaks French. As lame as listening to audiobooks may seem (I thought so too), his books are definitely worth the download. My absolute favorite is Me Talk Pretty One Day. I suppose I have a bias since the first story in that book is about his speech pathologist. From his guitar instructor who was a little person, to his adventures in France. Every last story is worth it. "When You are Engulfed in Flames" is also beyond hilarious. I can recommend these books until I'm blue in the face! THEY ARE GREAT! EVERYONE SHOULD READ/LISTEN TO THEM!!!! Really. Do it. Here's a link to the Amazon site, where you can buy them....do it.
http://www.amazon.com/Me-Talk-Pretty-One-Day/dp/0316776963
"On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned "Lie down," "Shut up," and "Who shit on this carpet?" The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. "Is thems the thoughts of cows?" I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. "I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em."
— David Sedaris (Me Talk Pretty One Day)
I tell you, you will be a happier person once you read his memoirs. I know I am.
Love,
Diana
